Why I Write - Life as Mrs. Wilson

22 July, 2017

Why I Write

A few things have been weighing heavy on my heart lately, one of which: writing. Since I started blogging a little over a year ago, I've had a lot of support (and I'm so thankful for that) but the longer I write, the more I get questioned why - and not necessarily in the nicest way. The more resistance there has become, the more I've just wanted to give up, delete it all, and hide. But after taking a little bit of time to think about why I'm actually writing and blogging and sharing on social media, the more I am reminded of why I started this in the first place, and why I feel compelled to continue.

About a year into my marriage, I fell into some of the deepest depression I've experienced. It became so intense and overwhelming that I had to quit my job and took the summer off of school. There were days at a time when I physically couldn't get out of bed, and I could hardly function at all. A few months passed, and I knew I needed to pull myself together, for lack of a better way to put it. So I tried as hard as I could to think of something that brought me joy. Anything.

My heart has always gone to writing. I write my emotions and thoughts - it's how I've always organized my feelings and processed everything. I had blogged in the past and remembered how happy it made me. And so I started a new blog, and I wrote. And I started to feel again. I started to feel joy!

As time went on, I used writing as a form of self care and to preserve memories in a way I enjoyed. It's been a very healing thing for me. Now that I'm graduated from college, I have a lot more time in my day that I choose to fill with writing about my life and the things I love. I love documenting my days and sharing my thoughts - if for anyone, my future self.

Sometimes I feel dumb or too vulnerable for sharing so much about my life on an open page for anyone to read. But I write to process, and I write to heal, and I write to remember. I write because it is the best way I know how to preserve my own family history, and I write because I absolutely love it. And if anyone out there can benefit from what I write, or maybe just enjoy hearing about my life from time to time, then that'll always feel worthwhile to me.

And now, as I am again facing that all encompassing darkness that depression brings, I know that the best way for me to face it is to continue to write, and continue to do what brings me joy - without fear of negativity or judgment.

I am so thankful for those of you who have supported me in this and choose to share kind words with me rather than hurtful ones. I know blogging isn't for everyone, but it is for me, and I love doing it.

Thank you for following along so far and thank you for all the support you've shown for this little space that I choose to share my life in. I appreciate it more than you know.