A few things have been weighing heavy on my heart lately, one of which: writing. Since I started blogging a little over a year ago, I've had a lot of support (and I'm so thankful for that) but the longer I write, the more I get questioned why - and not necessarily in the nicest way. The more resistance there has become, the more I've just wanted to give up, delete it all, and hide. But after taking a little bit of time to think about why I'm actually writing and blogging and sharing on social media, the more I am reminded of why I started this in the first place, and why I feel compelled to continue.
About a year into my marriage, I fell into some of the deepest depression I've experienced. It became so intense and overwhelming that I had to quit my job and took the summer off of school. There were days at a time when I physically couldn't get out of bed, and I could hardly function at all. A few months passed, and I knew I needed to pull myself together, for lack of a better way to put it. So I tried as hard as I could to think of something that brought me joy. Anything.
My heart has always gone to writing. I write my emotions and thoughts - it's how I've always organized my feelings and processed everything. I had blogged in the past and remembered how happy it made me. And so I started a new blog, and I wrote. And I started to feel again. I started to feel joy!
As time went on, I used writing as a form of self care and to preserve memories in a way I enjoyed. It's been a very healing thing for me. Now that I'm graduated from college, I have a lot more time in my day that I choose to fill with writing about my life and the things I love. I love documenting my days and sharing my thoughts - if for anyone, my future self.
Sometimes I feel dumb or too vulnerable for sharing so much about my life on an open page for anyone to read. But I write to process, and I write to heal, and I write to remember. I write because it is the best way I know how to preserve my own family history, and I write because I absolutely love it. And if anyone out there can benefit from what I write, or maybe just enjoy hearing about my life from time to time, then that'll always feel worthwhile to me.
And now, as I am again facing that all encompassing darkness that depression brings, I know that the best way for me to face it is to continue to write, and continue to do what brings me joy - without fear of negativity or judgment.
I am so thankful for those of you who have supported me in this and choose to share kind words with me rather than hurtful ones. I know blogging isn't for everyone, but it is for me, and I love doing it.
Thank you for following along so far and thank you for all the support you've shown for this little space that I choose to share my life in. I appreciate it more than you know.
Hi sweet girl, this is Michelle McKeehan, coachs' wife ��. Every time I find someone dealing with such a darkness that is too deep to explain, whether it be postpartum or another form, I stand in awe when they share their story and only wish I would have done the same after I had my first. I had the most severe depression of my life for almost 13 months and sadly went through it with each child after as well. I want you to know there is always hope and light and so much love from above and those who've gone before you, as well as those around you now. Heavenly Father knew the few of us who would experience it so deeply would also need just as much of a strength to pull from when you're just about to let go of the rope. If writing is the gift from god to pull you through then you do that as much as you need!!! Remember, we are required to take care of ourselves first SO we can be the best we can be for our spouses and children. Don't be afraid to take what you need without guilt, and gently work with Heavenly Father back to feeling the joy of Christ and his light so you can spread it to your beautiful family. I'm so proud of you for talking, not hiding. I know I'm old but please call me anytime! I love you and your family dearly and would do anything I could for you. And, it always helps to talk to someone whose gone through something quite similar, 5 times :). I'm a little crazy but I'm still alive and still going. You are so loved by your family and your Heavenly Father and remember we are here to help each other where we can. If I can ever, even just be a listening ear, call me anytime. Love, Michelle ������ 436-773-0146
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