A Thrill of Hope - Life as Mrs. Wilson

12 December, 2017

A Thrill of Hope

I vividly remember the first time I genuinely contemplated ending my life. It was the day before Christmas Eve, and at the young age of 13 years old, I had just begun to really feel the crushing waves of depression. I felt like I was suffocating and was quickly losing hope in any sort of relief from the despair I so deeply felt trapped in.

As I was struggling to continue on, the thought came to my mind so strongly to just turn on some music and go sit by my bedroom window. Little did I know, that day would change the course of my entire life.

"A thrill of hope, the weary world rejoices."

Never before had those words echoed in my mind in such a personal way. I was weary. So so weary, and I desperately needed hope. I needed hope, and I needed a reason to rejoice. I looked out my bedroom window and tears began to fill my eyes. Where I grew up, snow wasn't something I got to see often. But there it began to fall, and there I began to find hope. I breathed in the simple bliss that comes with the first snowfall of the year, somehow more beautiful than it had ever seemed before, and continued to listen to what would soon become my favorite song.

"Fall on your knees, O hear the angels' voices."

Instant peace filled my soul in a way it hadn't before, and I have no doubt that angels surrounded me that day, comforting me and lifting me up. They have carried me through this life, and today as I look back on each Christmas season I have endured since that day nearly a decade ago, I am forever thankful that the 13 year old girl looking out her window found a reason to keep going.

I am thankful that she heard the words to that song and decided to dedicate her life to seeking after that thrill of hope, which is our Savior. For in Him, my life has become more than I ever thought possible.

At 13, I was consumed in sadness. It wouldn't be the last time I felt the darkness of depression, but it would be a turning point in my life. I've fought hard to be alive today, and now, as a twenty-something wife and mom, I am so incredibly thankful to be here. To have found cause to rejoice.

Sometimes, all we need is to hold on to that hope, which is our Redeemer. He will carry us through our most difficult days and will always give us cause to rejoice - no matter how weary our soul may be.

No matter the trial, no matter the cause for mourning, we will never be left comfortless. If you are currently facing darkness and feel that life is becoming too difficult to bear - please, hold on. Look for the simple beauty of the earth. Have hope in better days. Seek the light of Christ. Life does get better -- make sure you are there to see it.
"Blessed are they that mourn; for they shall be comforted." 

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