To the Mom Who Feels Like She's Failing - Life as Mrs. Wilson

22 January, 2018

To the Mom Who Feels Like She's Failing

To the mom who feels like she's failing,

I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I get it. I've been there, I am there, and I'll probably be there again.
To the mom who feels like she's failing, I spent all last week feeling the same way. And I want to talk about it, because I don't feel like we as mothers talk about it enough.

Last week was hard, I'm sure you can imagine. I was trying my best, doing everything I could, and yet I still felt like I was coming up short. And as I was holding my son, rocking him to sleep for his nap, I lost it.

All of the doubts and worries and questions started flooding my mind - am I reading to him enough? Should he be talking more by now? Is he getting everything he needs? Am I doing this too much, or that not enough? I felt so overwhelmed as I wondered if I'll ever be capable of giving him all that he needs and deserves and just felt so inadequate and so unqualified and so very much a failure. 

And as I was looking at my perfect son through tear filled eyes, wondering if I really was failing him as a mother, I remembered something I had read right after he was born:

"We need not worry about keeping it together, keeping it perfect, keeping a standard nobody can meet. All we need is to live our small moments with big love."
Small moments with big love. It's all we need. 
So to the mom who feels like she's failing, please remember those words. Please know that even if you don't feel like it right now, your best really is enough. You really are enough. You are one hundred percent, enough. 
Yes, there are going to be days, sometimes even weeks, where those feelings of self doubt might creep back in. But when they do, take a step back. Let go of the expectation of perfection. And live your small moments with big love. 
Last week I was rocking my son to sleep with tears of frustration in my eyes, but today I rocked my son to sleep - still with tears - but this time, tears of gratitude. Tears of joy. Tears of love. 
To the mom who feels like she's failing, you're not. You're doing the best you can, and that IS enough. So here's to getting up and trying again and believing and knowing that our best is enough, even when it gets hard -- especially when it gets hard. Here's to small moments with big love. Here's to you, mama. I promise you're not failing, you're doing great actually. Keep loving, keep trying. It's all going to work out. 

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