The Best Thing I Ever Did For Myself: My Journey to Self Love - Life as Mrs. Wilson

10 February, 2017

The Best Thing I Ever Did For Myself: My Journey to Self Love

I like to dedicate time out of each day to ponder on my life and really evaluate where I'm at spiritually, and a few weeks ago I was thinking about how nothing the adversary would try could ever make me stop believing in the gospel. Nothing could ever shake my belief in God. And the more I pondered on my testimony, the more I started to realize something.

If Satan can't get you to stop believing in the gospel, he'll do everything he can to make you stop believing in yourself. 

That thought ran through my mind over and over again, and I felt that Satan was about to try and attack my self worth with everything he had. It's as if I knew it was coming, but I wasn't doing the things that would combat those attacks. I brushed off the warning as if it were nothing and continued on with my day. I slowly forgot the deep necessity for me to prepare for the attacks that were coming my way.

 It started quickly but quietly. Then, before I knew it, I felt completely surrounded by negative thoughts. It felt like there were voices yelling in my head. You're worthless. You're insignificant. You're inadequate. What you do doesn't matter. I asked for a priesthood blessing, but didn't get the answers I wanted. I was bitter and annoyed and still didn't put in any effort to fight the adversary. You're not good enough to get answers from God. You will fail. You're ugly. You have no friends. No one likes you. I couldn't make it stop. It took a few more painful days for me to finally decide that I needed to fight back.

I started with forcing myself to study my scriptures again and making myself pray whenever a negative thought came into my mind. Then came the hard part. I had to try and believe in myself again, and then I had to try to actually like myself.

All my life, I've struggled with self worth. It's always been, "I'll love myself when _____ or I'll be confident when ______." And you just can't live life happily like that. I think there is so much value in loving the outer shell that holds your soul, but my goodness, it has to start from the inside out. Our self worth can't grow if we are constantly tearing ourselves down.

You see, Satan will take your deepest insecurities and push them into the spotlight to the point where you feel you cannot look away. He takes our insecurities and urges us to be consumed by them. He wants us to be obsessed with our shortcomings and depressed with our current selves. He is on the alert. He knows you - he is your brother. So, we too must be on the alert.

We must recognize that when Satan tells us we're ugly or that we do not measure up, he's lying. He's lying because that's all he has to fight with. He twists the truth and tries to make us believe that we'll never make it back because he knows he never will. We have to learn to love ourselves as the work in progress we each are. Compare yourself to you alone and never fall for the lie that you're not good enough, because those awful words and thoughts come from the adversary and the adversary alone. Love yourself. And if you can't do that now, have hope and faith that you one day will. In the end, you're left with who you are. You're left with the soul that resides in your body, so we must do all we can to learn to love ourselves.

Now I'm not going to try and convince you that I've had this complete change of heart that has caused me to love every aspect of who I am and what I look like, because that just isn't true. You can't just go from deep struggles of low self-esteem to a beaming confidence in yourself in a matter of days. But things really are starting to change in how I have chosen to treat myself. And I think that's the key word: I have chosen. The moment you choose to decide that it's okay to like who you are is the day your outlook on life really will change. The moment you decide for yourself that you are deserving of love and you are deserving of self love...that's when things start to change.

Be kinder to yourself. A lot kinder. Search for the goodness in yourself, and ask God to help you see yourself the way He does. It's such a long journey to self love, but so crucial for each of us to do.

Above all else, know that you are loved. Know that you deserve to love yourself. Know that it's okay to love yourself. The more we each make the effort to love ourselves and fight off the negative thoughts that Satan places in our minds, the better our lives will be.

Stop giving into feelings of inadequacy. You are enough, and you always have been. Love your life for what it is, love yourself for who you are. Challenge yourself to look for the good that is within you - it may be the best thing you ever do for yourself.

"We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and fabulous? Actually who are you not to be? You are a child of God...We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It is not just in some of us; it is in everyone and as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give others permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others." - Marianne Williamson

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