So many words have run through my mind lately, and yet I've found myself hitting the delete key more and more. Anxious to process my emotion through writing, but left staring at a blank screen for hours.
Depression isn't an easy thing to explain to people, especially when the honest answer to "What's wrong?" is "I don't know." I just don't know why I'm feeling so much sorrow lately. But I am, and I'm tired of being ashamed for feeling sad for seemingly no reason at all.
Lately, I've just felt so overwhelmed with life. I look around and see how blessed I am, and yet I can't seem to feel the joy I seek. There are days and moments of happiness - and I cling to them so dearly - but on days like today, I weep.
I've isolated myself and allowed those thoughts of inadequacy to slowly creep in, and now they surround me. I don't really know what good writing these scattered thoughts down will do. Maybe one day I'll look back in gratitude that I made it through these dark feelings, or maybe not. But all I know is that despite all of this, I am beyond thankful that I know where I can turn.
When my heart is overwhelmed, I go to Him. I pray, diligently. I listen, earnestly. I turn to Him and let Him calm my troubled heart.
I simply cannot fathom a life without the companionship of Christ. He understands the "I don't knows" and the "I can't do this anymore." He understands the sorrows and the sadness. He guides us through the depths of our pain, and I can't think of anything more beautiful than that. To know that we don't have to face our trials alone is everything.
My heart is overwhelmed and I feel so worn thin, but I feel hopeful again. And for now, I'll hold on to that with everything I have.
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