"That's Not Your Trial"

About a month after I found out I was pregnant, a friend of mine broke the news that she had miscarried. This girl has been one of the biggest examples in my life for years, and I was completely devastated for her. Why did she have to go through this and I got to stay pregnant? This isn't fair, I thought. I felt completely and utterly undeserving of the magnificent blessing that had been bestowed upon me. I felt it was unfair to those who were struggling with infertility and that I just didn't deserve to be pregnant. I felt guilty and extremely inconsiderate to those that struggled when I publicly announced my pregnancy. Even with the indescribable joy that I felt from being pregnant, I was completely swamped with those feelings of guilt. I couldn't seem to shake those feelings until a conversation with my husband changed my mindset completely. He sat me down one day and simply told me, "That's not your trial. We have other trials, this just isn't one of them." The words were so simple, but it really made me take a step back and think.

When the phrase "I don't deserve this" is used, it is generally in the context of feeling that one does not deserve to go through the trial they are facing.* However, there are times when "I don't deserve this" is used in the sense of feeling undeserving of a grand blessing. So, if we are blessed with something unexpected, we may think that we don't deserve it because someone else has it worse, or that we haven't 'earned' that blessing. But when we feel that way, we disallow ourselves from fully enjoying and appreciating what God has given us. It took me a few months to really grasp that I didn't need to feel guilty for being pregnant and that I really shouldn't have even felt that way in the first place. Just because infertility was not my trial, does not discredit the other trials I have gone through nor does it discredit the future trials that I will go through. Perhaps even some of you have felt as I did: undeserving of a blessing. The thing is though, you are deserving. You deserve happiness, joy, and light.

Do not suppose that your trials are any less real or of any less significance than the trials of those around you.

Our lives are tailored to us individually so that we may each grow in the way our Heavenly Father needs us to. May I reiterate the word individually. While we are here upon this earth to buoy one another up and to help each other reach our eternal destiny, it is ultimately our own test to complete. Everyone's experiences here are different and unique, and as children of God, we will continually be met with trials and blessings throughout the entirety of our lives. Enduring and experiencing is why we are here, and I have a pretty good feeling that our Heavenly Father wants us to enjoy each moment of our earthly test. So when He blesses you with something, big or small, embrace it. Be thankful for it. And when you face a trial, big or small, embrace it. Be thankful for it! Learn from it. Don't assume that your life experiences are lesser than those around you. Likewise, stay humble and grateful always.  If you see someone suffering as you are experiencing something wonderful, it's okay to still be happy and thankful for your blessings. It's okay to have happiness and joy WHILE you help someone or pray for someone or even mourn with someone. We are not placed upon this earth to be sad. Adam fell that men might be; and men are, that they might have joy (2 Nephi 2:25). So be joyful, be happy! That is why we are here, after all. As you go about life, know that God is watching over you and wants to bless you. Welcome each blessing with open arms and find joy in the journey.

*To those who may currently be suffering or feeling that they do not deserve their trials, I echo the words of Elder Dale G. Renlund when he declares, "Because of the Atonement of Jesus Christ, ultimately, in the eternal scheme of things, there will be no unfairness. All that is unfair about life can be made right. Our present circumstances may not change, but through God's compassion, kindness, and love, we will all receive more than we deserve, more than we can ever earn, and more than we can ever hope for. We are promised that 'God shall wipe away all tears from [our] eyes; and there shall be no more death, neither sorrow, nor crying, neither shall there be any more pain" (Full talk can be read here).